I want my girlhood to last forever

Growing up, I couldn’t wait to be older. I wanted to be seen as mature, respected, and taken seriously. I longed for adulthood, for the freedom and responsibility that came with it. Now, as I lie in bed watching High School Musical 2, listening to One Direction, and eating potato smileys for tea, I can’t help but wonder why I feel such a pull back to my childhood.  

Image: Kady Dowling Hamilton

Living in a student house with other girls has completely shifted my perspective on growing up. Suddenly, I find myself feeling like a little girl again. I’m watching iCarly in the mornings, dressing up as Sue Sylvester from Glee for Halloween, and laughing like I am at a year five sleepover every day. Seeing Taylor Swift this summer and exchanging friendship bracelets with the girls around me made me realise how perfect this moment was. It felt so pure, and I couldn't help but wish I could hold on to it forever. I don’t want to move on from this feeling, from this chapter of friendship and youth. 

“Girlhood is a fleeting, precious phase.”

I often find myself regretting the rush to grow up—pushing myself to drink alcohol before I was ready, dressing in ways that felt “mature” rather than comfortable. One memory that stands out is when I got my first phone—a Nokia brick—and wore an awkward, 2013-era peplum dress to the cinema with my family. I remember refusing to sit with my dad, insisting on sitting alone. Looking back, I wish I had embraced my childhood more, stayed close to my family, and simply enjoyed being young without trying to be something I wasn’t. 

With my twenties fast approaching, I’ve started to feel what I can only describe as a “late-teens crisis.” I know I’m not the only one. The thought of a serious relationship or any kind of commitment feels overwhelming. For now, my main priority is to hold on to girlhood for as long as possible, to savor these last moments of youth before the weight of adulthood takes over. I am not a fan of the phrase “I’m just a girl” but realistically I am just a little girl trying to act like a woman, when I have not moved on from my childhood yet and I don't plan to anytime soon. 

Girlhood is a fleeting, precious phase. And as I inch closer to leaving it behind, I can’t help but fear that once it’s gone, it might be lost forever. 

Written by Kady Dowling-Hamilton

Edited by Isabel Butler